she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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