Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
