You're my little dorito
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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