trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
