4 words: hood of his car
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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