There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
