Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
