youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
