By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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