i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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