Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
