How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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