so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
