You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
