there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
3 2 1 whiskey
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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