i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
