My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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