I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
