that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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