I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
