I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
