You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
