It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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