let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
