I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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