We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
