@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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