my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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