toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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