honey bunches of taint.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone came in the potted fern
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
