Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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