I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
