It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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