There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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