thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
