I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
