A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
