Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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