sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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