why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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