i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
