Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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