You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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