i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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