its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
