only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
