Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
