I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
