So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
