they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
