i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
