I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
