why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
