the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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