Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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