walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
