I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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