Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
