If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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