i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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