if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
