i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
