She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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