she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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