Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
