dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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