You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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