you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
