im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
True college students do jello shots in the library
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
