I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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