why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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