Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
