There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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