On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize