I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
