The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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