1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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