I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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