She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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