I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
